OMG.. Menopause!

I honestly thought I was sailing through menopause. Some hot flashes, a few mild mood swings, restless sleeps, all the things I heard were symptoms of menopause. Kind of uncomfortable but nothing I couldn't deal with.

Then mother nature said Oh No.. that was just a small sample of what's coming for you.

I started to notice small changes over the summer, things that wouldn't normally bother me started to really bother me.

I was angry at everyone and everything. I usually didn't say anything, but inside I felt like I was going to explode.  

I am a business owner and a journalist, and it felt like it didn't matter which way I turned, someone wanted something from me. It was overwhelming. I wanted to run away from home, from work, from my family, from the world. 

I kind of did that, and not in the most graceful way. On a Monday morning I texted my husband at work and told him I needed to leave for a couple of days. I booked an air B&B for a couple of days and just went. I didn't give anyone the address, cancelled any appointments I had and told a guy that works for me that I would be gone for a couple of days and to only call me if the place was on fire.

It was exactly what I needed to do. I don't think my husband understands it, but self care isn't always pretty for the people around us. 

Trying to explain to my husband how I was feeling was like speaking in a different language. Definitely not his fault for not understanding, unless your going through it you'd never totally get it. 

I went to my doctor and tried to explain to him how I was feeling and what was happening. He's half my age and other than knowing  about menopause from medical training, he doesn't understand it either. The solution was to put me on hormones, which I still haven't started taking because that scares me. When I finally do that will probably be a whole new story. 

How am I feeling now.. well I still cry a lot for no reason. That alone freaks people out because I'm usually solid as a rock and not one to cry easily. I'm also still annoyed at just about everything and I would still prefer to be alone most of the time. So, I guess I'm still feeling the same just coping with it better?? 

There are other things that are happening as well. My memory is hit and miss, my thinking is foggy, concentration is out the window, sleep is totally messed up, and I've been getting wicked leg and feet cramps, usually at night, in the middle of the night. 

So if you are struggling with menopause, just know you're not going crazy.. or maybe you are, I don't think I'm the best judge of that at this point in time. If you are, just know you aren't alone in it. 

There is a lady on TikTok that sums it all up beautifully. Check out the "We Don't Care Club" and if nothing else she will put a smile on your face, and we could all use that right now.

And just an FYI, I don't give a shit about Christmas coming, decorating, visiting, cooking, or buying and wrapping gifts, and that's OK.